Earth Hour

空虚

很奇怪的... 生活又再度陷入空虚之中。这种感觉时不时都会重复，从高二那年就开始感到那样，也不知道这种感觉何时开始... 何时将结束。茫茫空虚之中，像是一个天才无法发挥其特长，就如英雄无用武之地。万物渐渐无法夺得我的注目，更何况是那些烦琐零碎的书本，也只是视而不见罢了。

我曾说过，想彻底明白我的这本不想透露的日记，必须懂得三种语文。华文，英文想学上手且易，至于第三种既是我自己的语文，当中的奥妙呢，是它可以随形所遁，意义藏在勉强可以用字眼来表达的文字中。毕竟字眼无眼，无法看穿我的心，我又怎能把我心事寄托于它们呢？

每当空虚时唯能躺在床上，脑子尽想一些非常离奇的怪注意。这些不可思议的思想能把我空虚感抑制住，再把我遣进梦境中，但醒来之后，空虚感没一次不加深，没一次不变本加厉。这空虚就像毒瘾，表面上看来没怎么一回事，但那心情也不知道该怎么形容。虽看起来我还像是个普通的人，但如果把我脑袋转移到另一个身上，他也许崩溃死亡吧？

光阴似箭，我已经向光阴借了不少时间来抑制我的岁月。说真的，可能再也拿不出什么向光阴抵押所借下的时间了。刚才还想找人聊聊，但想来想去，我这20年来没几个人（或说没人吧！）是真正了解我的。正所谓知音难寻。想来想去，最后还是写在可怜的秘密日记里，唯有这个作者最了解我，所写的就是我的心声。想着想着，还真有些遗憾，依照这样的速率寻找知音，恐怕还得等上好几年吧...


Strangely, my life like living in a emptiness again. This feeling will be repeated from time to time. This start at sophomore, I do not know when this feeling start, and when is going to end. The vast emptiness, like a genius not able to perform their talent, as heroes without a battlefield. Everything drew no attention to me, not to mention those cumbersome piecemeal books, they are just turning a blind eye only.

I mentioned, to understand this diary (which I don't want to disclose), must know at least three languages. Chinese, English no problem for a person to learn it, as the third language is my own language, which is the mystery, with the form that it can escape the significance of the force can be used to express wording of the text. After all, the words, unable to see through my heart, I worry how I can pin my express on them?

Whenever feeling emptiness, I lie on the bed, the brain would like to do some very strange attention to the bizarre. Thinking of these incredible sense of emptiness I can inhibit live, and then I was sent into dreamland, but woke up, not a sense of emptiness is not deepened, not once does not worsen. This emptiness is like drug addiction, on the surface seems no matter much, but cannot describe the inner feelings. Although I look like an ordinary person, but if I transfer my soul to another person, he might collapse and death?

Time flew like arrows, I have time to take a lot of time to curb my years. Really, may never return the mortgage under the time. Looking for people just to talk, but think and think, I hardly get someone (or no one) who truly understand me. The so-called real friends are rare. Thinking again, I can only write in the pathetic secret diary, I know this author know me the most, the book record the voice of my heart. Think again, I feel regret for myself, in accordance with the rate of finding such a knowing-friends, perhaps it must be years ...

The Secret Diary

I've spend more and more time on my secret diary recently, and this is the reason which cause this blog to be abandoned. Poor little blog got abandoned. Sometimes there is something which cannot reveal to others, and because of that my secret diary will work for me.

Tree, beloved

A passion tree,
Stood in front of me……

A squirrel runs out, suddenly,
Hurl out my hand,
I try to catch him.
He run away, and squeaks at me:
“Please don’t ever fool me”
“But in fact you are cute and I like you”
“Yeah you might say so but I belong to the tree”
The squirrel is cute but he doesn’t belong to me,
He belongs to the tree.

The big tree,
Which stood in front of me.
I try to see him every moment I can seize,
The tree can’t run, but bother not me
“Please leave me alone, you silly fool”
“But then you are huge and I like you”
“Yes you could say so but I belong to the earth”
The tree is nice but not belongs to me,
He belongs to the mighty earth.

Living on earth,
I lay on with my back.
I try to stick to it every moment I can.
The earth can’t move, nor can he speak
But I still listen to a voice beneath himself
The squirrel is cute cause of the tree
The tree supply little cute pines for him.
The tree is huge cause of the earth
The earth saturated him with nutrients.

The squirrel is cute,
The tree is huge,
I like them that much as my love for you.
What to do,
When no one know my clue?
As age grew,
I will be old.
I will lay beside the tree,
And let my body be the food,
The root will then spread into my heart,
And know how much I love you.

……A brilliant tree,
Penetrate beneath me.

Tagged

1. What was your dream during your childhood?
Getting all the toys in the hypermarket.

2. Do you like rainy days or sunny days? Why?
Rainy day, cause H2O is the fundamental of life. Sun is still there providing energy at rainy day right?

3. Which colour do you like better? Black or White?
Depends on which occasions, most often like white more than black.

4. Who would you marry?
The person I love.

5. Where do you want to go most? Why?
To a place where no people can reach. Why? I am pioneer then.

6. Which part of yourself do you love the most?
Every part of myself. Most preferred is my Nei4 Zai4 Mei3.

7. When you encounter a sad moment, what do you do?
Think, think and think, which will cause me to have a lot of side-effects.

8. What are you afraid of losing the most?
Time of freedom, what else can you ask for if you don't have time and freedom?

9. If you met someone you love, would you confess to him/her? Or just keep it secret, observing?
Keep it secret and observe.

10. List out 3 good points of the one who tagged you.
KaiLiang : 1) Let my life better by doing this. 2) Desolate me this morning and let me learn to be independent. 3) Let me know world is dangerous as people can stab my back.

11. What are the requirements that you wish for your other half?
Love me as much as I love her.

12. Up to now, what is the moment you regret most?
Break my left hand end up giving up learning Violin.

13. Which type of person do you hate most?
Those who betrayed me in any aspect.

14. What is your ambition?
Too much to list it out here.

15. Would you rather be someone else at this very moment?
Yeah, perhaps become the one the-person-I-like likes.

16. If you can have 2 dreams to come true, what would it be?
1) I can travel in time and control it. 2) I can create and transform energy out of nothing.

17. What do you think is most important in your life?
Time, merely time.

18. Who’s your favourite cartoon character?
Tom & (Jerry), cause Jerry is small, cute and quick witted.

19. What will you do if the world ends tomorrow?
The world? I'll stop the world ending. BTW the world refer to only earth right? Who cares when there is the entire universe and only world is ending?

20. The most worthwhile decision you’ve ever made in your life so far?
No decision is definitely worthwhile, and my worthwhile decision is giving this answer.

I tag: Seow Yen, Ah Pan

Ambiguous, beloved

Ambiguous,
So secretive and guilty,
being silly,
to feel so sorry.

Ambiguous,
So passion and crazy,
being personally,
to you and only me.

Ambiguous,
So untidy and messy,
being romantically,
bias of tally.

Ambiguous,
So mentally and scary,
being lonely,
in the love of eternity.

Reminisce, beloved

A feeling of emptiness,
Which I always feel.
Like being cursed,
In the wound of darkness.

In a sudden there is wind,
With a future that it brings,
Lift the darkness a deep pit,
Where holy light started flow in.

My savior, here I cheer,
I wait for you with all mere,
Enlighten me… Illuminate me,
Thanks for giving me that sort of feel.

In a moment the hallow grief,
Suffer tend to make me thrift,
Forecast futures try to make me shift,
Downpour cause my body heat ceased.

I look back at the little pit,
It is nothing more than a dream,
absenteeism and lacklustre is a fact,
I sleep still in my cosy seat.

I feel two hands at my hands,
I feel two legs at my legs,
I feel one head at my head,
I feel only me decide my own sake.

4ever L3gend

Pictures took from today INTI Inter-College e-Sports DotA tournament. By the way my team knocked out in the first match (been beaten flat). Way too hard for us playing with those well-trained player.

registration booth

my team on the right

teammate

registration booth

waiting for competition to start